Leaving my husband, how can I resist going back to him?

I asked a question a few minutes ago about my husband ignoring and emotionally abusing me.



I have been thinking of leaving for a long time as this has been going on for some time and not getting any better no matter what I do or say. I realize *I* cant make him change. He has to want to change on his own. No matter how nice I am or what I say whether he changes or not is up to him. He hasn't changed at all in 4 years. I decided I am leaving. How can I resist going back to him if he begs me to ? Because even if he were to promise to change I don't think he would really mean it. Should i avoid his calls and not tell him where I will be living?



Btw I have a job and a car so I am all set to be on my own.
Leaving my husband, how can I resist going back to him?
Trying to change someone is dangerious and ignorant. Move on and find someone who does not need to change. Go be happy!
Leaving my husband, how can I resist going back to him?
Only agree to come back if counseling is part of the bargain. If it isn't say NO DEAL.
Remember the reasons why you left. It is natural to miss some of the good times and forget the crap he put you through. Be strong. My older sister left a controlling azzwipe of a husband and moved on. I hated my ex brother in law and now she has remarried a good man who has a great career as a lawyer. It took her awhile to get over the pain. You can do the same. I wish you the best happiness a good life has to offer. I like seeing her happy and I adore my brother in law she is married to now. They were a good example to me on meeting a good man. My husband is terrific and you deserve the same.
You really sound as if you have made your mind up, and that the door on this marriage has to be shut.



It also sounds as though you are expecting pressure from him to return.



If you really want to protect yourself against pressure from him to return then it is best to cut everything.



You could consider changing your mobile number, and ensure he does not get hold of it.

Do not answer any calls from him...don't even look at any messages, just delete them.



Move somewhere else... even to another town. Make sure you only tell those you really want to know about where you are living...and ask them NOT to tell him, to protect you.



Engage a Solicitor to begin the legal side of things, then any communication has ot be through the Solicitor....but make sure the Solicitor does not include your details on any correspondence with him or his side.



When you move to a new home you will need to register for the Electoral Roll. Before you send any forms in to them contact the local Electoral Registration Officer and tell them you cannot afford to have your address on the Electoral Roll, and they can give you an anonymous resistration. You are legally registered, but your neme will not be visible on the Roll.



And if he does manage to reach you have in your mind the full meaning of every part of the word %26quot;NO%26quot;, and keep reminding yourself of this.



Best of luck
My advice would be to go with your gut. You are right. If he says he will change, he won't. So, if/when he says it, just remember all of the things he has done to get you to this point and remember too that it's been 4 years, and that is plenty long enough to turn things around and start acting better. Remember too that if he says that it will most likely be out of desperation to keep you, then he will revert back to his old ways. That's not what you want or what you deserve...to FINALLY hear what you are wanting to hear but only because he sees you are REALLY going to leave. Good luck to you!
So sad, but probably necessary.

Always remember %26quot;WHY%26quot; you needed to leave.

You are not leaving %26quot;him%26quot;, as much as you are leaving %26quot;the way he is%26quot;. Right?

IF he ever actually changes %26quot;the way he is%26quot;, for a substantial amount of time, THEN you may wish to re-visit any possibility of a return.

But do not %26quot;hold your breath%26quot;. Your life must go on, as well as you can live it.

Ultimately, he may lose you to a far better man. And he'd just have to cope with that, as it is his own fault. Had he been the man you deserved, he'd still be with you, but he wasn't.

Honor who you ARE, by maintaining high standards for a husband.

IF he ever %26quot;qualifies%26quot;, and you are still available, then you may offer him a chance.

I wish you a good life.
Ask him if he wants you to leave. If he hesitates in any way, the answer is no. If the answer is no, then he needs you now more than ever.



IF you leave, don't burn the bridge. Give him one chance to come back to you if he wants, but let him come to you. Make him take the effort to seek help and make progress. Make him re-promise all those things he said in your wedding vows.
You do not have much chance to change this relationship, no matter how much you would like to believe you could. I am really sorry, but in my experience that's how relationships work -or don't.

You have to be strong if you don't want to end up in your 50s asking yourself what went wrong with your life and why you wasted it... You have to leave -and don't look back.



The best way is to leave without any traumas. Tell him that you need some space/ need to do some thinking/ need to find your true self/ etc/ and ask him to support you. 'It's not you, it's me' -sort of thing.



Ask him not to call you for a month or two and move out. After you left don't answer his phone calls no matter what. And don't tell him where you are either, if you can.

The more time you spend away from him the easier it gets.



Take up some classes: dancing, yoga, pottery -the classical ones :)

Yoga really helps.



Good luck :)
follow your heart,thats how you will know. your gonna have to be strong. but before you go you need to be physically and mentally ready. a car and a job wont be EVERYTHING... its a start, but know you need to know where you will be staying. but the biggest step is knowing you dont deserve bad. ONLY good. LOVE yourself,

GoodLuck!
If there is a good enough reason to go back, there is not a good enough reason to leave.
I take it that you still love him or else you wouldn't be concerned about resisting him. Let met tell you a lesson I learned with the first and only love and heart break. ..a heartbreak that I deserved. After the first few years of seemingly perfection I began to take her for granted ..its like I forgot how much she meant to me (long story) she started asking me stuff like do you love me and so on. She couldn't get through that's for sure ..that is until she left me for someone else. (something I don't say anyone should do, because ultimately she used someone else to help her get the power to leave)



But she left and suddenly I could see again and the love that I had was alive again and I saw my faults and how I took her for granted and how I stopped showing proper affection.



That was a long time ago ..but to this day I know how to remember how fragile my heart is, ...even when I feel like I'm on top of the world. You may not want to leave him for good, but If you do, do it, and ..busy yourself. Six months is convincing because he needs time to feel himself ..in six months you will find out if he will run to another woman to comfort the pain, instead of learning to be an alert MAN ..in six months he'll get to really his condition and his values ..in six month or more he you will know if he has prove rather or not it worth another try